It would certainly help if we knew what kind of machinima this would be.
So far, the intro seems a bit long and boring because we have all taken that flight to BB a thousand times. The other thing would be the fact that the view / camera is never changing, but even this footage alone can serve as a solid base for an intro.
I would imagine the opening credits would roll during some of this intro, but I can't think of too many machinimas that can take up 1:17 worth of opening credits. You have to do something with the rest of the intro once you add the credits - either cut it off completely or include other views during flight.
For some inspiration, check out movies that have 'flying over landscape' intros like this. Off the top of my head, the intro to Brotherhood of the Wolf does some interesting things with the intro footage. Check it out.
Btw, since you have purposefully made the pass/fail poll, I will say that the intro doesn't have what it takes just yet, in my opinion. Remember to give us more info of the project you work on before showcasing footage from it.
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